Holiday blues

For the past few days I've been really emotional and I'm not really sure why. Nothing significant has happened (I know it's not PMS), yet I've been walking around on the verge of tears (okay, okay. I've shed a few).

I think I've figured out what is wrong with me.

I miss my family. I'm crying as I write this now. :'(

Growing up, our family was my life. My best friends were all of my wonderful cousins. I often think of the endless sleep overs, and family parties, and get-togethers we had, and I have nothing but fond memories of those days gone by.

As we all grew older, and matured into teenagers/young adults, many of us grew apart. Not because we didn't love each other, we were just busy doing our things with school, sports etc. But our love for one another never faltered, I'm sure of that. I have always been proud to tell anyone who asks what my life was like growing up. I tell them: "Have you seen the movie, 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'? Well, my life was kind of like that, but Mormon instead of Greek." It usually brings out a laugh or two, but what they don't realize is that it's the truth. And I love it. I miss it.

Fast forward 30 years (give or take) and here we all are. The same age OUR parents were when WE were frolicking in Grandma's back yard. Grandma and Grandpa loved each and every one of us so much. They had their door open for every single member of their family 24/7. They wanted us to be close, to love each other, to support each other. I like to think they were the ones who instilled in each of us the importance of family.

I've lived in the Portland area now since 1994 (actually, now I live in Vancouver, Washington...10 miles north of Portland, just over the Columbia River). I have spent many a Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, Reunion, Halloween, wedding, baby blessing, etc. away from you all. It BREAKS my heart to know how much I've missed out on everything. I really did try to move back to Utah, but it just didn't happen, for reasons beyond my control. Now I'm going to be spending the rest of my life here, in the NorthWest with my new and wonderful husband and his family. And I'm okay with that.

But, as each year passes, I find the holiday season more and more difficult. My sadness grows deeper, and last year it was almost unbearable. I was miserable, and I did a lot of crying. I know many of my emotions were due to the situation with my divorce and everything associated with it, but really: It was about wanting MY family. So, here I sit. Thinking of the Thanksgiving I will miss. Rejoicing in the fact that I will be able to come home for Christmas, and I can't help the tears. They just happen.

When I confide to Ted that I am lonely, and I wish I had more friends here, he encourages me to find friends that I enjoy doing things with. "See if there is someone at work you can start scrap booking with." "Ask a friend out to dinner or lunch on a Saturday." Well, I've tried. And tried. And tried, to find someone that I can call a real friend. Someone I can call at the last minute and say, "Let's go out to lunch today." Or, "Hey, come on over and we'll scrapbook and the kids can play...." Someone I can count on NO MATTER WHAT. It doesn't exist for me. I know I don't have that kind of relationship in my day to day life because I am here, and my family is there.

Family is forever. They are comfort. They are happiness and joy. Friends are wonderful too, but they can come and go ( and usually do). I have told him endless times: If my cousins were here, I would have a TON of friends. And I know that it's true.

I am going to try to keep my sadness at a minimum, for the sake of my husband and children, but the fact remains: My heart will never be as whole as it once was, back in 1982.

Pumpkin patch

We have started a family tradition for Halloween.

I just love autumn, don't you? Each year we drive down to Woodburn, Oregon in October to visit Bauman Farms pumpkin patch. It’s not just a pumpkin patch though. It’s like the Six Flags of pumpkin patches!

They have multiple corn and hay mazes, zip lines, hay rides, several obstacle courses, food, cider making demonstrations, petting farm…you name it, they have it. We LOVE going there. This year, there were so many activities, we didn’t have enough time to do everything! They make the BEST cider donuts! Oh my goodness! YUM!

One of our favorite things is the dark hay maze. It’s literally a hay maze that’s pitch black. You have to have a flashlight, and it can take over an hour to find your way out. Which…for us it DID take over an hour. Lot’s of tunnels, and slides. By the end, my hair was full of hay. We really have a great time and we’re looking forward to next year.

This is a pic of the kids running around the "hay ship". It was literally a ship made out of hay. Once we got to the top, there was a fun slide to take us back to the bottom and we did it all over again.









There was a giant inflatable plastic bubble and we had a grand time jumping all over the place.

One of the many obstacle courses. I felt like I was on an episode of Survivor! Ted had just as much fun as the kids.....

A spinning tube that the kids loved spinning around over and over.....

Ted liked it too. :)

Volleyball

This year Kayleen tried out for the volleyball team, and made the varsity team! She was sooooo excited, and we are really proud of her. She has games every Monday and Wednesday, and practice every morning at 7:00 AM. She has worked very hard, and we love cheering for her during the games.

Serving was difficult for her at first, but she really practiced hard, and now she's awesome.

She was excited that her jersey number was "13", because that's how old she is.

She's made a lot of good friends from the team.

New school year

I cannot believe it’s already another school year!!
Kayleen is now in 7th grade, and seems to have adjusted (for the most part). Middle school has been quite the eye opener for her. She’s still playing the Viola, and is now on the varsity Volleyball team. She’s still the Beehive President in our ward, and taking lots of honors classes. Needless to say, she’s a very busy girl! We’re very proud of her because she seems to be taking it all in stride and manages to excel at everything she does.



Jackson is in 3rd grade this year, and I’m pretty sure he grew at least 2 inches over the summer! Most people think he’s 10 years old when they first meet him. He really likes his teacher this year, and claims the reason he likes her so much is because she “tells a lot of jokes”. Jackson is our funny, silly jokester so being put in her class was a very good match. At parent teacher conferences a few days ago, his teacher said Jackson is “off the benchmark” in all of his subjects. We’re trying to find ways to keep him busy, occupied and out of trouble. He is taking karate this year, and still loves going to Cub Scouts.



Sean is in 1st grade at a new school this year. He was a little worried about being at a new school, but has found that he really likes his new friends and teacher. Sean is ever the athlete, and is very good at any sport you “throw” at him. No pun intended. He got a dirt bike for Christmas last year, and he just scoots around like he was born on a bike. Even when he has an occasional fall, he dusts himself off, and is back to business in no time. He’s still the sweet, loving boy that we enjoy having in our lives. Of course, he still loves torturing his sisters…..


Claire is still in pre-school and talks about her school friends all of the time. She loves her dollies, and is an excellent mommy. She fills her day with playing, running, laughing and everything a cute pre-schooler should be doing. Sometimes she says the most hilarious things and we all laugh until our sides hurt! She locked her Nanna out of the car last week, and made Nanna “dance” before she would unlock the door. We all had a good laugh at that one. Of course…she learned that trick from the best of the best (me and Ted).

It took about a month, but I think we’ve finally adjusted to the new schedule, and things have calmed down a bit. Thank goodness! :)

Radiohead concert

This past summer was filled with tons of fun! Weddings, cruises, trips to Idaho for the Fail Family reunion (I accidentally deleted the reunion pics!!) But, one of the things we did that we were really looking forward to, is going to the Radiohead concert.

Ted is a HUGE Radiohead fan, and we drove all the way up to the Seattle area (on a weeknight) just to see them! There were tons of people there! We had lawn seats, and of course...it had to rain 3/4 of the way through the concert. By the time it was over, we were soaked to the bone. I was freezing, and exhausted, and slept shivering most of the way home. But...I'm really glad we went. They put on a GREAT show. I have video of some of the concert, for those of you who might be interested, and I'll send you the video link. :)