Not a secret at all

Here it is October and I haven't posted since February! At the last update, I was joining a gym, working out and preparing to do the Portland Marathon 5 mile run.

Well, in keeping with tradition, things didn't go as planned. For awhile I was doing great at the gym. I went up to 5 times a week, and worked out as diligently as I could. It was hard, but I started to see some results. And then: In March I changed jobs and everything changed. My schedule changed, my job responsibilities changed and my motivation changed. To make things worse, the medical clinic I'm working in, is right next to the cafeteria! We're not talking gross school cafeteria, but good, home made foods and soups and treats!

I tried to say no, but the smells of bacon each morning got the best of my taste buds. Before I knew it, I had gained 5 pounds in 2 months! I scaled way back on the cafeteria food, but....the 5 pounds didn't go away. Neither did my self loathing.

Then summer came. I had 2 pair of shorts that "fit". I REFUSED to shop for a bigger size! I don't want to waste my money on something I don't want! Each week I kept saying, "I'll start going to the gym on Monday.....", but it never happend. Finally, my 35th birthday was fast approaching. I was feeling so depressed about being 35 (not sure why 35 was so hard....). I didn't want to have another year go by feeling the way I did.

One evening in early July, I was so down, and I was watching T.V. feeling sorry for myself when I saw a Weight Watchers commercial. I don't know what came over me, but I stood up right then and there, walked to my computer, found the nearest Weight Watchers location, hopped in the car and drove straight to the meeting. I signed up that evening.

I was DETERMINED to succeed at this! I went home that evening with all my parphenalia, read through it with vigor and felt rejuvinated!

I can't control time. I can't control getting up at 5:30 to get kids off to school and be at work by 7:15. I can't control volleyball games, young women activities, scouts, meetings, schedules, or working late. BUT: I CAN control what I eat! I can control how MUCH I eat, and WHEN I'm going to eat it.

And....that's exactly what I did. I followed the plan without missing a beat. I thought it was going to be difficult, but I soon realized: This is NOT hard! This is a "piece of cake", so to speak. It's not about "dieting". It's about healthy eating. It's about making good choices and reasonble portion control. It's not about going hungry, and then binging, or denying myself something because it's the latest "fad". I like to EAT! Everything. I can't be told NOT to eat something, or that's all I want to eat.

Weight Watchers gave me just that! There isn't any special "food" I have to buy. There isn't any food that is "off limits". There is just calories/fat/fiber in the right amounts for ME. Once I figured out what MY amounts could be in order to lose weight, the pounds started to dissappear. I've had cake, ice cream, rice, pasta, steak, Mexican food, Italian food, German food. I've eaten out at a number of resturants, and even had dessert several times a week. Never a day has gone by that I went to bed hungry.

I turned 35, and even though I wasn't at the weight I wanted to be: I was IN CONTROL! I felt great, and I was happy with myself. Finally. I can do this.

As of October 9, 2009 (10/9/09), I am down 22 pounds, and 3 pant sizes. My self image is not perfect. I still wake up on some days and feel "fat". I know it's ridiculous, and it drives Ted BONKERS! But, at the end of each successful day, I go to bed knowing that I'm doing something for myself, and it shows. My only regret: I didn't run the Portland 5 miles this year. However, even if I HAD been training: Coming down with the swine flu would have put a stop to that race anyway. There's always next year though, right?

There. The secret is out.

~Sharon